Guilt Free Parenting - does it even exist?

Updated: Mar 22, 2019

#newblog #parenting #TwoDads #UKSurrogacy #GayDads

I can't believe I haven't posted a blog for a month now, my bad. It's been such a busy few weeks with work and some of the other TwoDads services ramping up that time just got the better of me. We've just been so busy with work and with one thing and another, and let's not even go there with 'that reveal LIVE video'. I can't believe how she terrorised us and literally made us a laughing stock! But that's real life with a Toddler, and serves us right leaving the easter eggs out so she could eat a whole one in secret, 30 mins before the video was due to start, talk about a sugar rush. Toddlers and tantrums eh? Hey ho, we wouldn't have her any other way.

To be perfectly clear before I begin, the excitement we feel about the arrival of our son is literally off the scale. We can’t wait to have another baby in the house, and whilst we know it’s going to take some serious adjustment, we are over the moon that we’ve been so lucky to be having another baby, where so many struggle particularly with IVF and fertility challenges. Katie is also growing fast, and becoming a gorgeous independent little lady in her own right, she spends more time in her bedroom or out with her friends than she does with us now, which I know for Wes is particularly hard, but it was always inevitable, so in the main its mainly me, Wes and Talulah. Our trio. This hopefully should frame why we feel the way we do at the moment, so after lots of consideration I thought we’d share it and see what you all think.

It’s started, the guilt is creeping in

We can’t help but feel absolutely ridden with sheer guilt at the moment, and also a tinge of sadness that our little trio is coming to a close. It will never be the same again, and that literally makes my eyes fill with tears that our care and attention, which over the last 2 and a half years has for the majority been all on Talulah, but this will soon be changing, forever in fact. Whilst I believe that as humans and as parents our heart is filled with limitless buckets of love, which just continue to over-spill and love some more as we make our way through life, the physical time that we offer her will very soon be changing, and she’s only had us for 3 years by the time our son arrives, and only 10 month of the recent time she actually remembers, the good stuff is only just started happening. That feels so sad that our period of exclusivity is drawing in, it’s closing. :(

Our little pack is growing, and so is our little girl. Our strolls down the path both holding her hands, counting 1,2,3 and swinging her high till she screams laughing and demands “again!” Which we repeat 6/7 times until our arms ache and our belly’s hurt from laughing with her. That’s surely going to change temporarily as one of us pushes the pram, or is too shattered to even want to play, especially in those first tough 6 months.

Wes and I were sat on the sofa and we were talking about that we both felt sad that the days of just us with Talulah was being cut short – which sounds so ungrateful but its not meant to be. It’s purely ‘the guilts’ (which my best friend warned me about!) that we’re feeling, and as we both were sharing how we felt, that particular night our eyes had tears in them. This was real now, we need to start making adjustments surely? Should we have waited another year or two? We’re not getting any younger which was one of the reasons we started trying again for another baby – which sounds so selfish when you say it out loud.

Whatever happens I know that Talulah is so excited to be become a big sister, and she’s going to be amazing having a little brother, seeing her face beam with excitement and her eyes widen when we even mention “a baby” is pure love. She even knows his name, so hearing her say it makes us want to burst. And that’s what creates a family, this love, and pure joy we’re experiencing right now. Seeing her fall in love will be another parenting experience I’m sure. So, for the next 6 months Talulah get’s some exclusive time, whilst being carefully reminded that the baby is going to need her help too, we’re a team in our family – and we’re fiercely protective over each other, so starting from now Talulah’s role of big sister has begun. She will help us wash and fold his new baby grows (when we fish through the bags of old clothes of hers, putting aside girl outfits obviously, don’t even get me started on all those gorgeous girls’ outfits gathering dust (*cries into coffee). So, before he arrives, she can help get our little ‘pack’ get ready for its new addition As soon as she’s done with her “pre-prep big sister duties” she’s going to have our undivided time and have as us as much as she can stand – as we’ll never get these next 6 months ever again. More days out and fun activities are in order and I’m getting onto booking them in our schedules already, starting with a trip next week to the Sea Life Centre in Birmingham (she’s going to love it!).

Really interested to hear if any of this resonates with any of you too and how you felt or dealt with it too – thanks again for all your support and gorgeous messages since revealing the sex of the baby too. You’ve all been amazing.

Love always, us x


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